do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
