i barfeds in our rink
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
