I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
