I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize