haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
