we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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