Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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