she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
