I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
