oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
