The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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