After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
