You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize