i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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