Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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