wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
