What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
