Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
