I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
