So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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