Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

(650): View more from California

I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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(773): View more from Illinois

I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules

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(440): View more from Ohio

i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.

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(925): View more from California

Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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(469): View more from Texas

Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.

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(623): View more from Arizona

He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did

(617): View more from Massachusetts

So it was a successful night I take it?

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