Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
