he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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