I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize