i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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