hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
