you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
