i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
