Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
