Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
