pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
