and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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