i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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