Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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