We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
