i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
