Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
