So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
kristin has been a bad kristin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
