I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
