i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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