There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
