Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

(573): View more from Missouri

I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.

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(917): View more from New York City

the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.

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(925): View more from California

After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

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(209): View more from California

This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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(631): View more from New York

The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come

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(303): View more from Colorado

I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.

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