Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
