What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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