I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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