Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
