you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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