You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
