playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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