At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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