I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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