He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
