The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
