I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
