Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
