What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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