Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
