am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
