More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
