At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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