chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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