wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize