someone get that fucking seahorse.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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