I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it penis luge time yet?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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