the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
