Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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