oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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