i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
