do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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