I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
