Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
