It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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